Mike Okeowo.woo remembered my tumblr password!
now to remember:
150 years of Italy
Britain in wars
A few centuries of greek and roman civilisation
The Odyssey
a few thousand french words
On the upside:
Got a big penis.
Things aint lookin’ to bad after all :)
Plane Prank.
A good prank on a plane: Take out your laptop. Turn it on. Make sure your neighbor is looking. Close your eyes, open them, then look up to the sky. breathe deeply and open the site (http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html). Look at your neighbors face.
(via ebanks)
Get Psyched
Many people ask me I ask myself sometimes, how are you always psyched mike? (Well 99% of the time) so I made it my quest to find out the best ways to get psyched and a guide to spread the psychitude.
Materials Needed What is this ‘Psyched’? Being psyched, is a state of mind, body and (excuse the pun) Being in this state of mind enhances performance of anything. Can turn a dull night into an adventure filled night(exhibit A) on the other hand being underpsyched can be detrimental to a night.(exhibit B) exhibit A - http://bigblackblog.tumblr.com/post/718439873/light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel exhibit B - http://bigblackblog.tumblr.com/post/622305729/different-toilet-same-shit Examples throughout history of the benefits of being psyched 1. Do you really think God would’ve created the world if he wasn’t psyched? 2. Would we have won world war two if the troops didn’t have their ‘Getpsyched mix’? nein. 3. Would Arsenal have gone a season undefeated in 03/04 season if Wenger hadn’t have kept Henry, Viera and Pires psyched? no. p.s. in case your reading, find that get psyched mix Wenger. So now the most important thing to help you get psyched, the Get Psyched Mix. ( A get psyched mix isn’t necessary if you have other means of getting psyched quickly e.g. a sky diving area in your house, Paint balling arena or formula one car circuit, however if you do i suggest stop reading my blog, you rich jerk. Alex Williams.) Get psyched Mix First step - Make a play list labelled, Get psyched mix, fill it up with 100 of your favourite songs. Step Two - Remove all the songs. Step Three - Add 100 songs which get you psyched, this can be anything, make it personal to yourself. Good ones are usually ones which bring back good memories e.g. I have Mr.Brightside because of Manor days, but all the others bring back good memories. Good Examples of songs full of psychitudemind soul. Psyched is the point where everything seems awesome, you have a whole new perspective. Note: Being psyched and happy/excited is not the same thing.
e.g. You’re happy that your team won the football match.
BUT You’re psyched when you find out that eating bacon has made your penis grow 4 inches. There’s a big Difference.
Why do i need to be Psyched?
Bad examples
- Justin Bieber
Unless you’re getting psyched to become a eunuch.
Rules regarding your ‘Get Psyched Mix’
It must include 100 songs
You can never listen to a song twice or click previous - Being psyched is an upwards and forward movement not backwards.
Must be on shuffle
Must not be overused
This can be a danger to yourself and your mix. It can result in deaf and death. An overdose in psychitude can be as dangerous as an overdose of redbull. Same side effects also - Insomnia, uncontrollable spasms and diarrhoea.
I think that’s everything you need to know on this subject Alexia.
Stay Psyched.
Many people have asked me who this chlamydia girl from manor is, truth was i didn’t even know her name, so i made it my quest to track this slut down.. I started with Sidd as he knows everyone that has ever entered manor and probably medway, he gave me her name and I proceeded to do God’s work by posting on her wall, as you can see - CHLAMYDIA GIRL!!
she deleted me a minute later.
What’s the difference between manor and nursery? Manor serves alcohol
What’s the difference between Manor and secondary school? More twelve year olds get into manor.
Just got the news, the dreadful, dreadful news. Manor is dead, for the foreseeable future. sob.sob.sob.
Rumours are circulating that it’s being revamped and the name’s going to be changed to ‘The Underground’. The source of this is from someone on facebook, so hmm questionable.
There are so many things i’m going to miss from that place though, first of all; like it or not, it was decent as it was a place where everyone knew each other and a place where everyone was united by their hatred of it, although we would all return the next week.
I’ll miss the sluts. It’s only fair that since i’m talking about sluts, chlamydia girl should be brought up. We’ll miss you dearly random blonde slag, if you don’t know chlamydia girl or are unsure which chlamydia girl i’m talking about, i’ll try and paint you a picture. Okay, she’s blonde, decent bod, ‘dress’ that comes down to her waist and can be seen walking with a bucket trailing in-between her legs. I heard blue waffle actually started because a girl with a normal vagina washed hers with chlamydia girls vagina. I also heard that even her crabs have genital warts.
So much that i’ll miss about it, but also so much that i wont, such as:
- Repetitive music
- Watered down drinks
Catching Chlamydia- Having to get a ferry across the sea of piss in the boys toilets
- The school disco atmosphere
So, what next?
I imagine it will be time for some people to move up, try and get into pubs, casinos or amadeus. Good luck with that. For the majority of people i imagine it’ll be back to field pissups, park benchers and scouts. I know where i’m going, Rosie Pennicott’s new ‘underage drinking club’ think a more imaginative name may be in need, but will do for now.
R.I.P
Light at the end of the tunnel.
Tumblr I’ve missed you.
It’s been such a long time since anything interesting has actually happened to me, but last Friday; what was expected to be a complete fail of a night turned out to be,a Great Success.
So after a bit of wandering around in Chatham and then my house, Me, Jacob and Matt made our way to Matt’s house so we could watch the England match. We got to Dillywood lane (how much more hillbilly-ish could the name get?) and Matt gave us the usual tour of his neighbourhood which consisted of: him pointing at a house and saying something useful like ‘that’s a bungalow’ or ‘Indians live in that house.’ Cheers for the heads up mate. Anyway we got to his house and waited for the rest of the team to arrive.
Sure enough the girls arrived on time; Medina, Rose, Catherine, Lauren, Hannah and Lucy, which wasn’t surprising as Grace and Ryan were getting to his house together.. I’m sure everyone’s seen the England game so I won’t bother going over it much. The first half consisted of Heskey tripping over the ball a lot, the team not really playing as a unit and England generally under-performing. I was so disappointed, not only because of the game but because I didn’t get my half-time blowy from Matt’s stepmom. Don’t be alarmed, stepmothers aren’t off-limits if they’re wearing leopard print clothing, She had a bit of yellow and black on? Close enough. Half-time ended, Ryan and Grace finally made it. Matt and I expected Ryan to say something like ‘Hey Dude, me and Grace had to take a detour, know what I’m saying’ or ‘Hey dude, You would never guess what happened, the Hulk Hogan jumped out of a bush and..’ either would’ve been expected but instead they’d just got lost. Which is strange considering we’ve been in Matt’s house many times.
Nevertheless the second half was as boring as the first, the only excitement came from a bird which was sitting on the crossbar. I have my suspicions that it was actually aiding David James by telling him what to do, c’mon an England goalkeeper going the whole game without a slip-up? Unbelievable. The general atmosphere of the night was actually pretty good, considering that we were watching England play, which is like seeing your grandmother slowly die and not shedding a tear. Happy Days. I did gather some general facts from the night though: Catherine Munday’s legs are like bars of iron. I sat on them throughout the whole match and they didn’t even hurt, I was actually more scared for my own health, I could’ve got piles if I sat on such a hard surface any longer. The other thing I noticed is Lauren Browne has the most seductive voice in the world, the whole night every boy sat cross legged in fear that she might talk causing us to all simultaneously have an explosion in our pants, one similar to the explosions in the Listerine adverts. She could actually be the cure to erectile dysfunction, just let her whisper something in their ear, it wouldn’t even have to be dirty, just anything, like ‘Taste the rainbow’. They would be cured.
After the girls left, me, Ryan, Matt and Jacob made our way to manor, no surprise there. We were just so determined to resurrect the night after England’s failures, so we got to the train station and there it was, our first sign that the night would be okay. A man got off the train and offered us beer. It was a sign from God saying, ‘Hey! Get your fingers out your arse, tonight’s just begun’ So we got to manor and -ooh I forgot something, on the train Jacob let something slip, he got on someone incredibly hideous and this isn’t just us being really shallow. This girl is a cross between Kelly Osbourne and a pittbull. so from now on I shall refer to Jacob as ‘that jerk’ - Back to the story. So we’re on our way to manor and we see that everyone is leaving, some guy comes up to us and says ‘There’s only two people in there’, probably chlamydia girl and her assistant. We decide we might as well try Rochester Bars, on the way we also pick up two girls that come with us, cuz that’s how we roll. First we decide to try City Wall, which was a total fail. We decide to return to the original group configuration; me, matt, ryan and that jerk. We go and get a pint each from the Yarrow which had a pretty shit atmosphere but then Ryan suggests the craziest idea, ‘Let’s try Casinos man’.
Fuck it why not, if we get in it will be sick if we don’t get in we lose nothing. So we go to the Casinos and yes yes yes. We got in muthafukazz. No id and not even dressed properly. no shoes, no proper shirts and my shirt was reminiscent of a boy from a band called ‘Ascend to Glory’ according to Lucy. That say’s it all. Casino’s was pretty good, bought a few drinks, stole a few drinks and earned a few. Some guy bought a drink, he left it, I took it, I ran. Shame on him. One thing I noticed about casino rooms is that the floor is so sticky! Your shoes would literally leave you behind when you walked. It either used to be a gum factory or scenery for a German porn film, yes it was that sticky. So after a good night we all went back to mine minus that jerk, who is no longer worthy of stay in my house.
All in all a pretty good start to the summer.
Tomatoes will get you pregnant.
Being punched in the face by Joe Calzaghe. Six exams so far done and eleven to go, hasn’t it just been so draining? Each time I have one it just feels like i’ve been punched in the face by Joe Calzaghe, after insulting his mom or something. The ones so far have been a mix of easy, medium and hard, I’ll go through them briefly saving your ears of having to listen to me complain about each test question by question.
So, first two were Biology and P.E - Easy as anything, in fact so easy, it felt like Joe Calzaghe was giving me a massage at this point. The week after that was English literature which was moderate, probably would’ve been easier if I had revised to be honest: Joe Calzaghe is warming up at this point. Then it came to this week; first exam - economics, what the hell, it’s supposed to be easy isn’t it? Joe was enraged straight after the exam he jumped out of a bush and punched me in the face, kicked me in the ribs, farted on my head and took a dump on chest. That exam was hard. Mathematics was moderate, it was just so off putting when everyone walked out the exam hall boasting how easy it was.
Muahaa wasn’t that SO EASY?. Every question was SO FUCKING EASY I wrote a haiku about each question because I had so much fucking time and then after I had done the exam I added some extra questions because it was SO EASY, dude definately an A* E-ASYYY, so how did you find it mike?
Was I the only one that found it quite challenging? Merh, anyway English was today, that my friend was alright. It was quite easy but not easy enough that you get paranoid thinking it was way too easy and that you’ve done the whole thing wrong. History tomorrow, Joe’s going to kill me.
Moving on from exams, I’ve been told an interesting fact; Tomatoes increase your sperm count, of course this is not some heavily researched fact or something a teacher had told me but just something that I was told one lunch time when I threw the T out of my B.L.T. So I started eating all my tomatoes thinking I would be helping the little fellas, considering the amount we’ve been through together. So I’m jacking off revising today and I start to realise this may not be as good as it sounds. I mean think about it, what if your sperm just become so fucking good you just impregnate everything you look at? (obviously this can’t actually happen- but you get what I mean, it could increase the no. of abortions pregnancies from super fertile men). What if its possible that your sperm just becomes so amazing that they fucking swim out of your cock while your asleep and go impregnating the world? My worst fear is that one day I will eat too many tomatoes, my sperm will just be incredible from this, then I might decide to summon the genie and as soon as I cum. Fucking Michael Felps jumps out of my cock. That’d just be terrible, he could swim into every woman’s vagina and impregnate them in seconds, the world would be impregnated by me just because I ate too many fucking tomatoes. So to avoid this I will continue throwing away tomatoes.
Ladies, you’re welcome.
